Monday, July 10, 2006

Corn And Diverticulitis

Chronicle: his mother

... they have said, to the position.

No, I'm not talking about football. Good, or else just a little bit but not too much, because football is evil. Besides, look, I'm not talking about football, I'll just talk about football. You know, Zinedine Zidane.

For those who have not followed too much, I recapitulate: Zinedine Zidane is the greatest French player of football since Michel Platini (the gro ... the gentleman there, with the hair and cutting Champagne, in step). Zinedine Zidane is a living monument erected to the glory of football god, the embodiment of fair play, the symbol of a France that wins (thank you to Jacques C. de Paris for this sentence).

So yesterday, for his last game of his career in the final of the World Cup, quiet, Zinedine Zidane, the Jesus Christ of football, who walked on the lawn and distributed the bread, (I make a comma cure at this time, thank you your indulgence), left the stadium for the last time red card, having put a diving header in the ribs of an opponent while the ball was at the other end of the stadium. Realize how sad. Finally, for TF1. Because on TF1, after the game, they planned a "special arrangement" with many celebrities such as Lorie, Bugsy or Amel Bent Stomy to discuss the victory, and tell people to buy their records when even a little bit, because you eat well, you know.

so short, Jean-Pierre Pernaut was very upset. And the top of a terrace overlooking the Champs-Elysees sparse, he wondered what he was going to make this "exceptional measure" that he had screwed in the legs, following the stinging defeat. Especially since there is no report on the arcane weaving the old carpet in the bathroom Limousin would come to him save the day. Zinedine Zidane and leaving the football like that, on a whim. It Balot, eh. Of stroke, Bernard Tapie, the Swiss Army knife of television, which was tasked with finding an excuse for this unfortunate gesture. And Bernard, he knows a lot of excuses. So good, he told us that yes, okay it's wrong what Zinedine did, but at the same time this is a man (that's the side roubignoles Bernard speaks) and besides if he had made this gesture, it is likely that the Italian had said something serious, I quote, "certainly about his mother."

Unstoppable ... as an excuse. Argued, developed, indisputable. No, it Bernard Tapie had a well rehabilitated to Zidane before the world, and it was a total success. It must be said that the apology potential gesture was not easy to find. It was either:

- "He treated his mother." So the excuse that it was chosen.

- "He broke his angle, and stole his compass." A very valid excuse, but not during school holidays.

- "He stole the ball during recess, and even caps." And that, it still deserves a good headbutt. No balls, shit!

- "He told everyone that he is still wetting the bed." Then it's not even true uh!

- "There was not offside!", But hey, it's true, there was no offside and no one has said anything, so it did no, the coup ...

I want to personally congratulate Bernard Tapie, who once again restored and the truth is once again shine this little glimmer of hope in the eyes Small children and their parents and football fans unbalanced.
Or not.

But the real bad news this weekend is the last Everybody talks about it. The last animal show in which one could observe the wild THE STATE celebrities, all gathered around the point "of water." At a time when superstars go to drink, Thierry Ardisson - bartender presenter, Paris - connect the camera to give us beautiful images of wildlife in this semi-intoxicated. It was like a National Geographic documentary. Except that National Geographic there are dung beetles, so it necessarily has more class.

For the latter, the atmosphere was not there, unlike some bitterness. It's vodka, it stings a little. Jamel Debbouze and his band of merry men, we tried to raise the level by spraying the tray of champagne, but hey, Madame de Fontenay has just chuckled, and it has wet sheets, and after how do you expect, shit!

No, what it will take away from this issue is the meaning of the formula Thierry Ardisson (the only one who was not drunk). Indeed, when the ultimate blind test, sounding the death knell of the show, Titia, a former vase converted into nothing, starve to dance languidly next to the DJ, encased in a dress about 7 times too small for her (I did some calculations, made me a little confidence, dammit!). Yes because you see, Titia, the blind test she cares, and besides, she already knows all the answers. So ... she prefers to show his talent for dance, you see. It's in the blood, I do not know if you can understand.

And so, while his preposterous breasts (thank you Jacques C. from Paris to the adjective) (no, really, ou alors c’est peut-être l’effet 16/9éme qui écrase un peu. Dites moi ce que vous en pensez si vous avez un 4/3.) prenait une fois de plus le dessus sur une robe à l'agonie, et qu’à côté Jamel Debbouze, estomaqué, lançait un "Non mais c’est pas possible, on voit tout !" mal camouflé par le brouhaha, Thierry Ardisson décocha une phrase qui restera à jamais gravée dans ma mémoire (ou au moins jusqu’à fin juillet, ensuite on verra…) :
"Titia, vous êtes l’incarnation du service publique."
Avouez que c'est quand même plus élégant que de la traiter directement de grosse pute.
...
Next time, I will discuss perhaps the petanque contest broadcast on France 3, at 3 o'clock in the morning. I said "maybe" eh, do not bother to rejoice too soon ...

I wish you good morning.

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